spring into life

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. (From The Four Loves, as found in The Inspirational Writings of C.S. Lewis, 278-279.)

Thought provoking <3

I miss this tumblr. And that’s pretty much why I’m back to type a little here tonight.
I miss you too dear. And that’s probably why I’m here to type as well haha.

Well, most of you guys know that we’re in the middle of our Lenten communication fast again, just like we did one year back :) Every Saturday - no talk, no whatsapp, no fb chat, no-thing.

As I was reflecting last night and looking back at the photos and videos on my iphone camera roll, it just made me so aware of how much a man/brother/boyfriend Soo has been to me in the past year we’ve been together. Recalling the stories and ‘moment of my life’ behind every photo just made me want to sing out a song of praise to God for bringing him into my life.

It’s true, the episode I went through was nothing short of a miracle, and it revealed how much the people in my life really love me. During these trying periods, its the people who care most that stick around. In the same way, that has taught me to stick out and be there for my sister right now. Sometimes I’m positive that God wanted to give me a glimpse of what my sister is going through right now so that I can hold her hand and walk her through this as well. Tough as it may be, I know God will be there, always.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this relationship thus far, it really is to know what love is and WHO love is. With that came a feeling that there is so much love to be brought into the other parts of my life. The parts still hidden in darkness, waiting to be consumed by the warm Light. The undercurrents and differences that have yet to be untangled from the messy web that it is now.I know that I can make a difference in my family, if I choose to love.

So thank you dear, for 383 days of love:)

And on a side note, I spent today interceding for the sec 1 camp with IOS, Sabby and Nicole. Felt really nice. Just wanted to say that adoration felt like coming home. Knowing that He’s there, that He loves and watches over you.

And a heart to heart with daddy over dinner:)

Today’s Sacrifice Saturday went well, I must say. Praise God:D

Cheers to loving and being loved <3

Gwen

Friend, it’s getting late
We should be going
We’ve been sat here beneath these flickering neons for hours
while I am cracking their code, you are deciphering me
for i am a mystery, I am a locked room in a tall tower

Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home?
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong?
We belong.

Your telescope eyes see everything clearly
My vision is blurred but i know what i heard echoing all around
while I am tuning you in, you are deciphering me
not such a mystery, not such a faint in a far away sound

It’s love, it’s love that holds us
We will be alright
It’s truth, it’s truth that shows us
If we’ll walk in it’s (his) light

Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home?
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong?

Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home? (we belong)
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining goes to show we belong?
We belong.

- Deciphering Me, Brooke Fraser

How far we’ve come - from sitting beneath the flickering neons of our computer screens, chatting and not wanting to though although it was getting late.

How far we’ve come - from trying to crack the other’s code, deciphering words, status updates and emoticons.

How far we’ve come - climbing up the tall towers and entering locked rooms to see the other as God created us to be.

How far we’ve come - not such a mystery, not such a faint in a far away sound.

Yet, there’s so much more. We don’t have telescope eyes which we can see clearly with. We will never finish deciphering one another. But, I pray that God continues to reveal the beauty in you, just as He does in me (:

Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home.

Fr. Ronald Rolheiser once said, being in love feels like coming home.

I am home.

Happy 1st Anniversary to us (: Let’s walk in His light.

Love,

Soo

Happy first year anniversary dearest :D

You remind me that blessings are real.
May God bless our relationship!

Love you,

Gwen :) 

I know this is a bit late considering my last post was in Oct 2011 (lol) but better late than never!

Here’s life lesson garnered from being in a relationship #3:

Don’t seek to possess, but seek to give - love is the sincere gift of self.

Deceptively simple, and after studying so much about Love & Responsibility and TOB I always thought that it would be easy to put into practice.

Earlier in our relationship I would always struggle with Gwen spending time with me. I always felt that she wasn’t giving enough, since our circumstances always clashed with her commitments, and that we weren’t able to spend quality time with one another.

But our God is a funny one; He allowed me to spend more time with her than ever after Gwen got sick. It’s the same physical illness and spiritual attack that she talks about in her previous post, and it was through that time of struggle that I was able to spend loads of quality time with her - whether it was checking on her at home, praying and interceding with her, keeping her company on visits to the doctors and the hospital, bringing her for mass, and so on.

I then realised that I stopped counting. I stopped comparing. I stopped calculating how much time she was spending with me, and making mental notes whenever I felt that she wasn’t doing enough. Instead, I started giving freely. I never knew I had so much within me to give. Time, energy, faith, attention, affection, I gave whatever I could, whenever I could. It’s only looking back that I realise these graces that were poured out, and the only thing on my mind during those times were for her to be well again. To cut the long story (we always seem to have many of these. haha) short, we praise God for healing her today!

It’s this transition in attitude that I give thanks for, a shift from wanting to be loved to loving freely. I see it most prominently when I want to spend time with Gwen, it’s a time for me to give and to care for her, with my own concerns and needs being placed at the backseat. It’s refreshing, it’s joyous, and it’s freedom - it’s a sincere gift of self. Thank you Lord Jesus for allowing me to do so, and I ask for the grace to continue to do so.

Mel talked about fasting before feasting during CSS retreat, and I think this is where it applies in my life. For months, I fasted from my own selfish desires, and that gave me the freedom to enter the feast of love in this time of our relationship. Praise God!

Love,

Soo

Hello all!

This is my second attempt at blogging, after a 15 minute struggle of typing, deleting, typing and deleting earlier!

Haha in the meantime, I went to read a few chapters of Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often and gleaned a whole load of inspiration in the span of an hour :)

Something that stood out for me was what a Greek philosopher by the name of Seneca once mentioned, “It’s not because things are difficult that we do not dare. It is because we do not dare that things are difficult.”

Indeed, this is something that holds so true for me where I am at this moment. I feel like God has just pulled me out from a month long walk in the valley of despair, as so aptly described in Psalms. I remember once mentioning to Soo that my greatest fear in life was losing sight of God and not having Him in my life. And for me, that nightmare actually became reality (or rather false reality - cos we all know that fear is not from God, and Stormie Omartian says that FEAR is really False Emotions Appearing Real), so perhaps the devil conjured a fear within me that I had lost God completely.

The fact that I had fallen ill and didn’t seem to be recovering made me so scared. I lost my appetite, felt too weak to fight back, lost all interest in anything and everything (even talking to my family), and was plagued with terrifying dreams. It was a horrible experience, like a living hell. I thought I had fallen off the face of the earth and no one even noticed. There was no peace within, no faith to sustain me. Each time people told me that this suffering was for a greater purpose, I didn’t have the courage to accept it - I just wanted the suffering to end so that I could go back to a normal life. I didn’t want to hear that God was trying to tell me something through this entire experience.

And at the end of the day, I realised something. Perhaps it wasn’t that God didn’t want to heal me and take away my suffering - maybe I just wasn’t letting Him. Every single time someone asked me how I was feeling, and I replied negatively, I was closing the door on Jesus. Even though I said the healing prayer many many times, but did not actually say it with a sincere heart or wasn’t convicted by the words I was saying, I was pushing Jesus further away. Every time I let fear get the better of me, I was losing faith.

But slowly, as Soo helped me to appreciate more and more the blessings that came with the period of suffering, the more I started to feel God’s healing. Growing closer to mummy, both as a daughter and in prayer. Bringing friends, community and family together to pray for me. Dad attending daily mass with mum and I just because he loves me so much. Soo sacrificing his time in the midst of exams to make sure I was okay and still clinging to Jesus no matter what. Reading the bible to give myself strength. Challenging myself to step out of fear into God’s unfailing love. Countless other blessings that made me recognise the awe and wonder of God’s plans.

The healing process is still ongoing though, and day by day I am trying to regain courage to start living, instead of merely existing. You know how when a child almost drowns, and they don’t want to start swimming again so soon. I am like that child, learning to swim and embrace life again. And Jesus is gonna be my float!

This blog post is especially dedicated to you, Timothy Soo, for making sure I held on tight to Jesus during that trying period, and even now, or I might have given up already. Each and every day you remind me that life is good, I am good, but above all, that God is good. Thank you dear :)  

And to combat my fears, I also need to acknowledge that the best weapon is to grow in faith. For faith will dispel all fears. “Forsaking All, I Trust Him”, that’s what my counsellor told me FAITH stood for. Faith really is about forsaking everything to trust in His divine plan. Today, I want to thank God for delivering me from so many times of trouble or distress in the past, and I pray that He will give me confidence to trust in His faithfulness.

Come, Lord Jesus. (yay can’t wait for mass tonight!)

Love,
Gwen 

Hello everyone, I’m finally back with a new post! So sorry my dear tumblr:(
(Forgive me, I’ve been sicky and procrastinating!)

So, it’s the 4th of november today, exactly one week after Soo and I celebrated 8 months of being together:) [hahaha I remember when I told my mummy we were already 8 months strong, she went like wowww so fast ah, you all must be so happy with each other!]

As always, mothers know best:)

I really love what Soo posted about in the last entry. It’s really true that our families help us learn about each other so much better:) I believe home is where we’re most comfortable and “like ourselves”, so the fact that Soo is such a loving son (constantly looking out for his mum and having HTHTs with his dad) is something that’s so heartwarming for me:) It truly shows his character and heart as a person, and that is the same person I love. Also, it always makes me think about how to be a better daughter to my parents. At times, I do take my parents for granted but Soo has challenged me in the way he always puts his parents as a priority in his life. Even simple things like letting my parents know where I am can just slide past my mind, but I now make a greater effort to let them know where I am:)

#2 Challenges:

Family is the first special thing about our relationship. But another aspect which I believe makes this relationship really special is how the both of us cope with challenges together, and not separately.

I know right from the start, our relationship was very trying for Soo due to my truckload of commitments which took up a lot of time. But we did talk about it on many occasions and learnt how to deal with it together. I remember being super stressed when i couldnt cope, but Soo was always there for me. So the first key to handling challenges is to talk about it, as a couple. And I’ve learnt that sometimes, to sacrifice is to love as well:)

Recently, our relationship was also largely challenged by circumstances. As Soo puts it, circumstances always seem to conspire against us. Meetings, the weather, me being unwell, all these things sometimes work against our plans. But instead of viewing it as bad luck, I think God really challenges us to cope with whatever we have and make the best of the situation:) And it always works:)

One last challenge for Soo is to deal with my stubborness. I really do feel that I’m the luckiest girl for Soo to love someone as stubborn as me. Dunno where I got the streak from:/ But no matter how frustrated or disappointed he feels, he never gives up trying to talk to me and to see things from his point of view. And more than once, he has truly helped bring about a change of heart in me:) so thank you dear, for bearing with my weaknesses and loving me all the same:)

One last thing about challenges is to always let God be part of it for He knows what’s best for us!:D

Alright, I’m still trying to recuperate, so I’d better have an early night! Till the next post, peace:))

Goodnight!

P.s Pray for con retreat, Soo is serving there now!:D

I’m typing this as I freeze in a classroom in law school. It’s Friday and CSS has just finished, so decided to get a bit of blogging done before going home. This week has been particularly tough work wise, so I’m just glad that the weekend is here, and that I have some time to myself.

So here it goes! The much awaited post. *drumrolls*

It’s been 7.5 months since Gwen and I have gotten together, and so much has happened since then. I know that there is much to be gleamed and learnt from our experiences, so I hope to share it with you guys, and in the process of typing it out I’ll probably chance upon new revelations as well (: 

Here’s #1:

Family time

Spending time with each other’s family is extremely important and rewarding! I feel really happy when Gwen is around to have a meal with my family; just seeing her being able to talk and converse with my parents brings me great joy. I mean it’s the best of both worlds isn’t it, all the people you love getting to know each other and subsequently loving each other too! I always tease Gwen that my mum treats her SOOOOOO well at my expense (“TIM WHY YOU NEVER OFFER GWEN THE FOOD! GWEN COME EAT EAT. EAT MORE!”). I also notice that my mum cooks more dishes and makes them more elaborate when Gwen comes over for meals. Haha. It cracks me up every time. But seriously, it is a heartwarming sight (:

Similarly, having meals with Gwen’s family is the same experience as well! Her mum is constantly asking me if I have enough food and making sure that I am “well provided” for. Haha. It’s a running joke between us that since I’m so picky Gwen’s mum always has to think of what to cook when I go over. And the answer to that is salmon (I think Gwen told her that it’s my favourite fish) which is usually present (whether as a dish by itself or mixed into another, like aglio olio. lol). Gwen will also tell you that I am a sucker for her FREAKING CUTE niece who is there when the whole family gathers for dinner on Sundays. So yeah, it’s nice that her aunties include me while we are all playing with her. She calls me “uncle shooooooo”. LOL.

I guess spending time together with our respective families has been an important aspect of our relationship, as it allows us to see each other “as we are” in a family setting. Seeing how we interact with our parents and siblings helps us to understand each other better too. As they say, we are a product of our parents’ upbringing and so it is important to know why Gwen is the way she is by getting to know her family better!

Another interesting observation that I had (of myself) is how we take after our parents in showing love and concern. Many times I find that my actions (towards Gwen) remind myself of how my dad shows concern for my mum. Freaky in a way, but I guess it’s always good to follow those who have shown that they can be truly loving and faithful to each other in marriage (: 

So yes, family time together is important! Our parents have just met each other once but I heard it was for a short while (I was in WYD then!) only. Gwen felt it was quite awkward but I guess that’s only normal haha. Perhaps our parents will meet properly sometime in the near future and I assure you that will be a whole new experience in itself!

Till then (or till the next update - whichever comes first, haha.),

God Bless!

Soo

Hello blog, I’m sorry for neglecting you. This is a terrible excuse but school has been sucking the life out of me ever I got back from WYD (although I suspect the greater cause is procrastination) so I’ve not updated ever since. This post isn’t going to change that - not yet at least. It’s sort of a filler post before the real one comes (in a few days time… I hope)

It’s been, OMG 2 MONTHS EXACTLY (I swear I didn’t plan to update today) since Gwen’s last post and many things have happened since then but as a general update both of us are very good (: Much more studying this sem which means less time to go on dates but more time to study together. Haha. Oh well that is the life of a student.

Anyway, I just wanted to post to breathe a little life into this poor little tumblr. Now that my job is done, I’ll leave you guys hanging so that you can keep checking back for my proper update (:

Hi guys, I’m back to tumblr today!

Well as you guys know, Soo has recently left for WYD 2011 in Madrid!
How awesome is that huh, being able to bond with Catholics from all over the world. As much as I regret not going, I believe that Jesus also has a plan for me here in Singapore! Also, just wanna take this time to ask for your prayers to be with him and the rest of the WYD team as they continue on this journey of faith and finding God, even overseas :D

So..I figured this blog would experience a bit of a hiatus if I didn’t post, cos Soo might not get wifi so easily over the next few days!

Haha you guys must be wondering why I chose to post today. Well, today kinda marks the start of a week or longer without any communication with Soo, cos he’s moving off to another part of Spain and there’s no guarantee there’ll be wifi at their new place of residence! I guess being by myself these few days really makes me miss having Soo around to talk to and pray with. Not cool haha. And so now I have to confide in tumblr, while Soo’s gone at least! (if you read his last post, tumblr has really been a blessing for us, esp in times like these!)

But at the same time, Soo being away has also been a daily reminder for me to invest more time in building an even stronger relationship with God. I guess I’m called to recognise that He is bigger than anything, even this relationship. The past few nights talking to Jesus have been really comforting and He somehow manages to dispel any feelings that have come about without having Soo by my side. Thankfully, He is always there to calm and comfort me with His grace and love :D

Over the past few days, I’ve started to see a bit of how God’s plan is starting to come into play in my life. Spending time with my family and sister has been the biggest fruit :) Unknowingly, I forgot what it was like to spend quality time with my family after getting caught up in my own busyness. And these few days again brought me back to the importance of making time for my family as well. Just having a simple lunch with them, catching up with everyone’s lives, and ending off the day just relaxing on the couch with a movie is awesomee :) In these few days, I also found time to catch up with friends, better learn how to fulfil my responsibilities as marketing head and also, I’m going to Phil this coming weekend (cant w8, woohoo!) Through this, I’ve learnt that as long as you entrust everything into God’s hands, He will find a way to make your time worthwhile, wherever you are :D

Before I end this post, sth else I wanna say is that learning to surrender to God is hard but essential for any Catholic :) Just a few days ago, I started thinking about Soo’s discernment process again, and honestly I started worrying a little cos’ this entire trip could possibly open some doors in his heart to other options in life! But then it hit me that worrying simply would not change anything, and if anything, I was the one who needed God’s grace to change and to accept whatever plan He has in store for the both of us. And so, offering these feelings and thoughts up to God in full surrender allowed me to really put aside my worries and think about God in the larger scheme of things! He is the way <3

Alright, ending off here!

Please pray for me as I head off to Philippines for the weekend! And God’s blessings be with everyone who has started school/ a new phase in life! Surrender all heh :)

Love,
Gwen